What sucks is that I really don’t know who talk to about how I’m feeling.
Everyone has heard my stories go back and fourth. They repeated themselves to me many times. They see no point in listening to me just vent something they think they’ve already heard. They all know I don’t listen. They feel like it’s pointless for me to feel the way I feel and that I should be done with this by now. They tell me to keep busy. They tell me to not let it bother me. All the same things. And honestly, I’ve tried and tried and still am trying. But I get no where cause all I want to do is talk. I want someone to just listen to me. But I don’t have that. So I keep it to myself, and it’s driving me crazy.
I don’t know what to do.
Honestly, it’s literally my biggest goal in my life right now. It’s all I’ve talked about and the one thing that gets me extremely stressed out over. And he knew that. He knew how important this day is to me. He knew that I believe everyone should go through this, not only me. This day is my pride and joy of my hard work. Whether I am not completely finished or not, I’ve still deserve to walk across that stage. He knew I wanted him there. Whether the events of the past were different or the same, I still wanted him there. And he knew that.
But I guess, he didn’t.
But I guess, I’m being selfish.
But I guess, it really isn’t that big of a deal.
But I guess, there’ll be other days/other accomplishments.
…but I guess…
It’s amazing how perspectives change from person to person. The context of conversations can never be relaid back to another person the way it was originally intended to be said. Things will be misinterpreted and misunderstood when you don’t go straight to the source. Information will be misconstructed and lead in to “drama”.
In the past years, I personally have learned from experience that there is no point to lie. There is nothing that makes the situation get any better when false information is said. Stand up for what you believe and who you are. There is no reason to keep quite or lie because honestly, one way or another, the truth will come back. It’s funny knowing how many people still don’t know this.
I honestly choose to look at things, read things, and find things that will hurt me. I make myself cry. No one else. I make myself sad. Just me. These are my decisions,things I can CONTROL. Yet I wish myself to be happy. I’m a hypocrite and contradict myself. Flaw after flaw.
"While I’m wide awake, (he’s) no trouble sleeping."
— The Script, Breakeven
It’s not that serious. It’s gonna be a boring ceremony anyways. And we’re not that close anymore. So wth am I crying over this?? Katrina get over it.
My strength is non-existent.
I’m not crying. But I’m not happy either.
Theres a difference with today and yesterday, I just can’t put my finger on it. To help me understand, is just to not understand at all. i stay quiet and observe. I look at what I have and appreciate it. Look at what I want and work towards it, but of course I believe that I will never reach it. My goals stay as goals. And if I do reach it, I find something that makes it unsatisfying. This is how I know I can never be happy. I find a flaw in all that I do. ANd its nothing I can fix.